Werewolf
by Lizzy3
Summary: This is a songfic kind of to Mad World. Anway, it's about Remus, his background, his feelings after Sirius's death. I hope you enjoy! It's sad so beware. The rating is for a bit of language.


Disclaimer- Lucy, Alexander, and Marie Lupin belong to me as do Ethan Clark and Betsy Tuddle. The other characters belong to JK Rowling. The song "Mad World" belongs to Gary Jules.  
  
"All around me are familiar faces  
  
worn out places  
  
worn out faces  
  
bright and early for the daily races  
  
going no where  
  
going no where"  
  
A 6-year-old Remus Joshua Lupin darted through the woods. He knew them by heart, having lived in the small town his whole life. He was playing tag with Ethan Clark and Betsy Tuddle, his life-long playmates. His little sister, Lucy, was also tagging along. Remus's sandy hair clung to his sweaty face and his gray eyes flitted around, looking for the familiar shock of brown that would signify Ethan's presence. He didn't even notice the impending darkness, being too caught up in the game to care very much what time of day it was.  
  
He ran past the old tree that was the limit that was allowed by his father. He didn't even glance at it. He ran faster and faster, closing in on the heart of the forest. Finally, after having his shirt snag on a bramble, he stopped to catch his breath. That's when he realized he didn't know where he was at all. He had never been this far in. He froze, what was a 6-year-old supposed to do. His face clouded up in fear and he did the only thing he knew how to do. He yelled. "DADDY, DADDY, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM!" he screamed, scared enough not remember that bad things, not just his father, could hear his shouts.  
  
The full moon came into sight and shed a milky glow on the warm, summer grass. Remus, exhausted from running, shouting, and fear, collapsed against a tree. That's when he heard it, a growl coming from behind him. He tried to shrug off the feeling that something was there but a moment later his attempts closed in a terrifying realization  
  
A great wolf-like creature darted out from behind a large tree and pounced on poor Remus. It gnawed and snapped, trying to get a piece of Remus's flesh in its jaw. Remus screamed bloody murder and his father, who was now looking hurriedly for the boy and heard the shouts started running. When he got there he saw the giant creature but not his son. Assuming that the wolf had eaten his child, Mr. Lupin (Alexander) cursed the animal into oblivion, not noticing till the creature was dead, that his son was still there.  
  
He rushed over to Remus and lifted him gently off the ground When the glow of the moon hit him, however, Remus's body began to transform. The already week boy began to writhe in his father's arm. Hairs sprouted all over his body and his small, white, hands became hairy, brown claws. In horror, Mr. Lupin dropped the now transformed boy and ran as far out of the wood as he could.  
  
Remus spent his first night in the forest as the animal, desperately searching for human flesh to devour. The next day, his father came back, hoping to find him in a better state. All he found was a week, tired, and pale child. Remus had changed forever.  
  
Sitting in a bar, Remus swilled the contents of his glass idly. He often thought back to that hateful night. He remembered being found again by his father and brought back to the house where his mother (Marie) nursed him back to health. He remembered going to the doctor the next day and being put on the list of animagis. He remembered how is father had tried to make it sound cool, and how he thought it was a load of bullocks (which it was). He remembered when Betsy and Ethan wouldn't play with him anymore. He remembered when no children played with him anymore, not even his own sister, come to that.  
  
A tear slid down the old professor's face as he thought back. That's all he did anymore, look back. It was even worse now with Sirius dead and Peter a betrayer. It was like the time in-between Harry's transfer to the Dursleys and his 3rd year, when Remus thought that Peter was dead and Sirius was the one who betrayed James a Lily.  
  
"'Nother ale?" the bartender asked in a gruff voice, wiping the inside of a glass.  
  
"No," Remus answered curtly, still nursing his first, something the bartender had obviously overlooked.  
  
"Their tears are filling up their glasses  
  
no expression  
  
no expression  
  
hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
  
no tomorrow  
  
no tomorrow"  
  
It would be easy, Remus often thought, to feel sorry for himself. He had never let that bother him, up till then at least, that he was alienated and everything. But now, with his last best friend gone, the wizarding world even more scathing to part-humans, and no job to speak of, Remus found his former credo rather hard to keep up. He was looking more disheveled then ever now. His graying hair fell to his cheek bones in dirty clumps and his robes were in no better condition. His face was slightly hairy from poor upkeep and his eyes were sunken in with puffy circles underneath.  
  
He found that the dodgier a place looked, the more that people around him would overlook the fact that he was a werewolf. He was seated now in The Pumpkin Guts Tavern in Inverness, Scotland. He was in Scotland in the first place to do some work for Dumbledore. That, however, hadn't lasted very long and he didn't relish the idea of spending yet another depressing month in Sirius's mother's old house.  
He continued to swirl his brandy around in the dusty glass, knowing full well that he didn't much care for brandy. He was more of a scotch man but hadn't felt in the mood to get good and zonked that particular night. He smiled ruefully, remember that he hadn't seen Lucy for some years now. In fact, he hadn't seen her since his mother's funeral 10 years previously. Lucy hadn't tried to stay in contact before or afterward. This confirmed Lupin's life-long assumptions about her disgust and dislike for him. She, of course had been none-to secretive about those particular feelings.  
  
Remus choked back a sob when he thought about all the death that followed him. His father died his 6th year, James and Lily died, his mum died 4 years later, then Sirius. Sirius had been a rock in the short two years following their reunion. Though he wasn't the most stable of situations, it felt like old times again. Those times in Hogwarts were the best years, bar-none of Remus's life. They, after he became friends with James Sirius and Peter, had made him forget that he was a freak in the eyes of the rest of the world. He was free to excel, to live the way most were able to.  
  
Of course, Remus thought disdainfully, good tings in his life rarely lasted. It seemed that after his encounter at age 6 anything his life touched was tainted. Not once after Hogwarts had 5 years gone by without something terrible happening. The fates were not with him but this time he didn't feel he could recover.  
  
Was he thinking about suicide? No, not really, Remus wasn't selfish. He knew that Harry needed him now. He knew that The Order needed him as well. For a man who's life was never on track, he had a hell of a lot of people depending on him. People would ask why, they'd think it was their fault. The truth was, Remus lived for others, he always had. That might have been why he had so many friends but nothing could make him feel right now.  
  
"And I find I kind of funny  
  
I find it kind of sad  
  
the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
  
I find it hard to tell you  
  
I find it hard to take "  
  
Without much hope, he looked around the tavern. No one made eye contact, no one. It was a rule of thumb, if you're in a dodgy place then others in the same place were, in effect, dodgy themselves. Remus didn't care. He was a good auror, albeit an unofficial one. If he was supposed to catch Death Eaters then a dodgy pub was as good as any place to catch them.  
  
He breathed in the cigarette smoke that permeated the entire establishment. Dark men with dark clothing lined the walls, not looking at each other unless they were talking in hushed voices to their seat partner. Remus exhaled deeply. He guessed that ½ the inhabitants were criminals of some kind, probably even the bartender. His eyes caught a lone man in the corner. His instincts told him that the guy was bad news, bad news if ever he saw it. He caught the hidden signs, furtive glances toward the door, something hidden under his coat which he wouldn't take off, not for the life of him. Yes, Remus knew all too well what was hidden underneath that coat.  
  
"When people run in circles its a very very  
  
mad world  
  
mad world "  
  
Despite all of the bad things that had happened to Remus he didn't have any idea what would bring someone to he level of Death Eater let alone the level of Lord Voldemort himself. Remus knew that there were followers of Lord Voldemort that were just as bad as their master, perhaps even worse. Human evil was something that he had come to terms with. You had to when you were alienated.  
  
Ironically enough, Remus saw the cruelty of human nature in the quote un quote "good" side of everyone. Apart from the members of The Order, and his friends, no one had given him a chance. They saw werewolf on a resume and discarded it like a piece of filthy laundry. Of course, sometimes, when Remus was in a particularly good mood (not at the moment), he thought of it as a good thing because it made him treasure the people who did except him all the more. At dark times like this, however, he couldn't see the silver lining in the stormy cloud. He thought back to his first day of school.  
  
"Children waiting for the day they feel good  
  
happy birthday  
  
happy birthday  
  
and I feel the way that every child should  
  
sit and listen  
  
sit and listen  
  
went to school and I was very nervous  
  
no one knew me  
  
no one new me "  
  
~Flashback~  
  
"Goodbye Remus, we're very proud of you," his mother said tearfully. It had been only a few short months before they had received the surprising information that Remus was indeed going to get to go to Hogwarts. The new Headmaster had seen promise in him and was willing to help his "special- ness". Remus was excited and scared and everything in-between. He felt that he was going to burst at the seems from all of his emotions.  
  
"I'll miss you Mum, Dad," he hugged his parents, his little sister hadn't wanted to go. He grasped his trunk on which his father had cast a weightless charm. With a sense of resolution he stepped on the train and secured his trunk in the luggage compartment. He had arrived early to secure a compartment with no one in it yet. He waved to his parents who were getting ready to leave. Remus pulled out a textbook, he had finished his 1st year texts and was now eating into the 2nd. He lost track of time with his heavy Transfiguration book and he almost yelped when he felt the train start pulling out of the station. He shrugged off the feeling and went back to his text. It was nice that he was starting with a clean slate. Back home everybody knew about him and avoided him like the plague. No one knew here.  
  
A few minutes passed before a boy knocked on the door. Remus got up and opened the door. "Hello, I'm James Potter, may I share your compartment?" A tallish boy with messy black hair and dark chocolate eyes asked, extending his hand. Remus nodded mutely, scared that his voice would betray his nervousness. "Thanks mate," James grinned, passing into the small compartment and sitting down. "So what's your name? I don't think I caught it."  
  
"R-R-Remus Lupin," Remus stuttered.  
  
"Okay, mind if I call you Rey?" He saw Remus flinch at the nickname. James laughed easily. "Yeah, I don't like it much either. Have you any nick-names at home?" Remus bit back his first response, 'My parents call me Moony'.  
  
"Yeah, some people call me Josh, my middle name's Joshua," Remus ventured.  
  
"Nah, you don't look like a Josh." James eyed the book. "How about I call you Keene?" Remus looked at him skeptically. "Oh, it means wise one, it was the name of the day on my name of the day toilet paper," James replied.  
  
"Okay, Keene's fine. Do you have any nicknames?" he asked, beginning to feel more comfortable with James.  
  
"Well, there's all mighty master of the universe, oh and then my parents call me Jamie but I don't really like that. Let's think of something cool and winning."  
  
"How about Baldasarre?" Remus asked, grinning.  
  
"Baldasarre?"  
  
"I got it from a book, not toilet paper. It means brave one, it's Italian."  
  
"Baldasarre it is. We are Baldasarre and Keene, rulers of the Hogwarts 1st years!" James exclaimed. They laughed for a bit before there was another knock on the door. James got up and answered it but almost shut the door in the boy's face. "You're not welcome here Black!" he exclaimed. "I don't want any filthy Knockturn Alley dwellers in here!"  
  
"Hey, I don't have any part in that. That's my bloody parents!" the boy Remus guessed was Black replied vehemently. "I don't want to be in Slytherin or anything like that, I want to be in Gryfindor.  
  
"You sure as hell better not be joking, I'll get my brother and Keene here and we'll send you into oblivion. Apart from being uncomfortable about being brought into a fight, Remus was happy that James already referred to him as a friend and accomplice.  
  
"I'm not joking. Just let me in. The only one I've had to talk to is that bloody Snape character and my older brother." James stepped back and let the boy in. Remus noticed immediately that as far as looks went, the boy had gotten the lions share. His wavy black hair hung perfectly about his ears and his black eyes glinted in a very lovely, albeit mischievous, way. "Hi, I'm Sirius Black," he extended his hand to Remus. "Did I catch your name, Keene?"  
  
"Um, kind of, it was a nickname that James just made up. My real name is Remus Lupin." Sirius smiled. He then turned to James. "Listen, I'm Sirius, just Sirius. I want no part of my parents. Especially since my "dad" just left. Truce?" James contemplated it and eventually shook his hand.  
  
"Truce. Now, we are Baldasarre and Keene, who are you?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know, Leopold?"  
  
"I like it, I really, really like it. So, Keene the wise, Baldasarre the brave, and Leopold the-um."  
  
"Daring, Keene the wise, Baldasarre the brave, and Leopold the daring."  
  
~End Flashback~  
  
"Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
  
look right through me  
  
look right through me  
  
and I find I kind of funny  
  
I find it kind of sad  
  
the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had "  
  
Remus smiled a shadow of a smile. They hadn't really used the names very long, discarding them with the end of their 1st year. That was after Remus had told them that he was a werewolf and they had begun animagis practice. Peter was added to their friendship list midway through their 1st year, a decision that Remus often rued.  
  
As a thank you to Dumbledore for his opportunity, Remus got stellar marks. He didn't allow himself to get anything below awesome. As a thank you to his friends, he overlooked all of their shortcomings. Looking back on it after it was all over there were some things that he shouldn't have overlooked...  
  
"I find it hard to tell you  
  
I find it hard to take  
  
when people run in circles its a very very  
  
mad world  
  
mad world  
  
enlarging your world  
  
mad world"  
  
A/N- this was a strict one chapter fic. I'm writing more and more of them. Anyway, Lupin's one of two favorite character (the other being Ron). I feel really sorry for him so I wrote a fic about it. I hope you liked it! R&R. 


End file.
